Da jeg startede min karriere, arbejdede jeg i et globalt managementkonsulentfirma. Ingen fortalte dig direkte, hvad du skulle have på, og hvordan du skulle opføre dig, men vi var alle ens i udseende og adfærd. Vi var skudsikre i vores professionalisme; slanke, uden kanter, kontrollerede og knivskarpe. Mine ledere var næsten alle mænd. Partnerne: mænd. Præstationskulturer med 1:1, midtvejsevalueringer, årlige evalueringer. Masser af systematiske muligheder for at fortælle os, hvordan vi kunne forbedre os. Det var først mange år senere, at jeg så mønsteret – i øjeblikket var det bare den ene feedback-session efter den anden, hvor min leder eller partneren fortalte mig, hvad der egentlig var galt med mig. At jeg var for meget. Skræmte folk. Hvordan jeg, med Taylor Swifts meget senere ord, havde brug for at falde til ro. Jeg forsøgte så på alle mulige måder at dæmpe mig. Indtil jeg var så kedelig, at jeg virkelig ikke kunne lide mig selv længere. Så da det endelig gik op for mig, at de primært talte om sig selv, og at al deres feedback i bund og grund bare var meninger om, hvordan jeg som kvinde skulle opføre mig, for at de kunne føle sig bedre og trygge og i kontrol, holdt jeg bare op med at prøve og begyndte at være mit autentiske jeg. Og for at være ærlig, så var det der, alle de gode ting begyndte at ske. Det viser sig, at kunder, medarbejdere, kolleger og chefer med færre usikkerheder er meget mere trygge ved mennesker, der er deres autentiske jeg. Ærlige. Åbne. Det, du ser, er det, du får, får faktisk folk til at føle sig trygge og få lyst til at følge dig. Nu er jeg over 50 og har tre årtiers erfaring bag mig, men alligevel bliver jeg stadig svinet til eller tilbudt uopfordrede råd om karriere eller adfærd. Mønsteret er så tydeligt og genkendeligt, at jeg synes, det er morsomt. Heldigvis tilhører denne ret næsten altid mænd i min generation og ældre og i mindre grad de mænd, der følger i deres fodspor.
Starting my career, I worked in global management consultancy. Nobody told you outright what to wear and how to act,yet we all aligned in looks and behaviour. We were bullet proof in our professionalism; sleek, no edges, controlled and razor sharp. My managers were almost all men. The partners: men. Performance cultures with 1:1, mid-year reviews, annual appraisals. Lots and lots of systematic opportunities to tell us how to improve. It wasn’t until many years later I saw the pattern –in the moment it was just one feedback session after another where my manager or the partner told me essentially what was wrong with me. How I was too much. Scared people. How, in the much later words of Taylor Swift, I needed to calm down. Me, then trying all sorts of effort to tone myself down. Until I was so bland, I really did not like myself anymore. So, when it finally dawned on me that they were primarily talking about themselves and all their feedback essentially were just opinions on how I as a women should behave in order for them to feel better and safe and in control, I just stopped trying and started being my authentic self. And tobe honest, that was when all good things started to happen. It turns out customers, employees, co-workers and bosses with fewer insecurities, are much more comfortable with people who are their authentic selves. Honest. Open. What-you-see-is-what-you-get actually makes people feel safe and want to follow you. Now I am over 50 with 3 decades of experience behind me, yet still I get mansplained or offered unsolicited career or behaviour advice. The pattern is so obvious and recognizable, I find it amusing. Luckily, this entitlement almost always belongs to men my generation and older and less to the men following in their footsteps.
